Loneliness and Altruism

In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued a report titled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.” The report found that nearly half of American adults experience “measurable levels of loneliness.” This topic was discussed at a Jefferson Dinner I recently attended.

Being a member of a community of people who share our interests, goals, or values can be a tremendous benefit. Yet, although technology makes it easier than ever before to connect with others, many people are experiencing loneliness. Why?

During the discussion, we identified several potential causes of loneliness. Often, retirees no longer have connections with co-workers. Social media enables people from around the world to interact with one another, but those connections are often superficial. While these factors, as well as others we discussed, play a role in the loneliness experienced by some people, I wasn’t satisfied that we had identified the root cause of widespread loneliness.

Being a member of a community for rational reasons—shared interests, goals, or values—enhances a person’s life. Being a member of a community for irrational reasons, such as peer pressure, tradition, or to impress others, will not alleviate loneliness. Indeed, it will probably increase one’s loneliness.

Like any value, finding and engaging with people who share our interests, goals, and values requires a particular course of action. If we want the effect, we must enact the cause. We must join the right community for the right reasons, and our standard should be our own self-interest. We should join a community because it will be beneficial to us.

Altruism—the dominant morality of our culture—demands that we place the interests, goals, and values of others before our own. The needs and desires of others are to take precedence over our own needs and desires. According to altruism, we must serve others if we wish to be moral. This puts lonely people in a difficult situation. If they seek to address their loneliness, they are being selfish, and therefore, immoral. They face the choice of being miserable, lonely, and “moral,” or being happy, engaged with others, and “immoral.”

The solution to the epidemic of loneliness isn’t to simply socialize more, as the Surgeon General’s report suggests. Any attempt to address widespread loneliness must begin by recognizing that connecting with others serves a rationally selfish purpose. And that requires us to reject altruism.